hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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