She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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