he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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