the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
