He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Randomize
