i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
