the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
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