I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
