During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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