We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
