John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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