Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
