Cold hands, warm shart.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
