What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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