you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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