Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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