take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
