I accidentally burped into my bong.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
