I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
honey bunches of taint.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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