If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
