toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
