shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You made out with two different species that night
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize