i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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