okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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