The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
