He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
