Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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