That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
