dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
this is an emotional support booty call
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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