I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
