Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
high people should be assigned attendants
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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