I'm drive I can fine osifer
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
