The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
