So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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