everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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