he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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