i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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