You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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