sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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