Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
