You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
