u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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