last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
