Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just found puke in my bra..
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
