i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
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Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
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I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
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