i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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