your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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