There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
