Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
