too bad you live with your parents still
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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