I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
