She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
last night I used snow as a chaser
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