My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
