My sheets look like a crime scene.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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