so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
zippers are such a cool invention
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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