If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
