i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
