there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
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