Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
