I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Oh god it's open bar.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
