It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
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Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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