She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize