Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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