Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
