drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
How's work?
Spinning.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
