We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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