Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
