i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
high people should be assigned attendants
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
