I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
