3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
