remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
