dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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