We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
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Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
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I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
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