hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
