from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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