can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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