For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
