It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
