Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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