Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Banned from zoo.
Again?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
