The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
