I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
